I dated him and him, and yes, him too.

Thanks to COVID-19, I have plenty of home time to sit back and reflect on life’s experiences. One big part of my young adult life is my (now past) dating life. Like many women out there, I have dated a few men who I hilariously remember and also thank for meeting me at varying points in my path through life.

Like most women, I have met the mama’s boy, the responsible man, the ready-to-settle-down-like-yesterday man, the sweetheart, the non-committal ‘lad’, the richie rich (add plural here…richies. lol, pardon my vanity), the narcissist, the gym rat, the stingy and the Caucasians with a thing for African women. Let’s not also forget the bad boy! I think every young girl goes through a phase where the worst boy for her is the most attractive and desirable.

If I were to dissect each type of guy, I’ll probably end up with volumes of books. As I worked out in my living room this late evening, I remembered that Mr. gym rat (not my hubby) and I had parted ways because at the time, I was unwilling to step a foot into a gym or engage in ANY form of exercise. The more he pushed, the more I resisted. The more I resisted, the more we grew apart. Unfortunately for Mr. gym rat, he met me at a time when I was unwilling to change myself for any MAN. He wouldn’t have stopped working out for me, so I definitely wasn’t going to check mark one of his ‘wants’ on the list of his ideal woman he had made. One thing I learned in dating is that we need to choose ourselves and be okay with what we want. Mr. gym rat was right in wanting what he wanted and so was I.

Most men, in my opinion and experience, always choose themselves and prioritize what they want/desire/dream of with zero room for adjustments. We, women, tend to ‘manage’ and ‘cope’ with certain traits because we have been socially conditioned to make do and work on a man/relationship. We have also been taught to bend backwards, change, accommodate, understand, tolerate until our very backs are broken and resentment sets in. Well, I am not writing this to instruct anyone on what to do or how to date. I am no expert and still a newbie in marriage. However, I think knowing what to reasonably tweak, tolerate and when to stand firm in the certainty of who you are will save some people from a whole lot of stress in the world of dating.

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